by Susan Hanshaw, OMC
San Francisco Bay Area Wedding Officiant
I met with a couple last night to talk about their wedding ceremony. We were discussing various components that they might bring in and we came to the topic of personal vows. These are promises or words that the bride and groom share publicly that go well beyond the legal vow requirements. They’re an expression of heart. This particular couple shared a very common dilemma. They recognized the beauty that this element brings to a ceremony, yet at the same time they cherish their private space for expressing to one another the sentiments they hold most deeply in their hearts.
As a wedding officiant I truly understand and respect both sides of this dilemma. Yet I also have a different perspective as the person who faces the crowd. I see the ceremony as one of those unique opportunities in our busy modern lives to bring everyone together in the spirit of love. The guests are invited not just to witness, but to participate from their hearts. As such, the ceremony can be a reminder to everyone present on the virtues of love. A couple’s expression of personal vows can be received by the guests as either a reminder to appreciate what they have in their own lives, or a statement of faith and hope for what remains possible for them. We often recognize the potential in ourselves by seeing it in others.
If this is a dilemma that you are facing, my suggestion would be to revisit your higher vision for your ceremony. What statements do you wish to make to your family and friends present?
Good luck and best wishes,
Susan
August 1, 2007 at 8:44 am
Another idea that might help is to incorporate “private vows”. The bride and groom still additionally write their own vows but rather than share them with the congregation, they whisper in each other’s ears while the musician plays some quiet music. In this way, they are sharing their vows with each other during the ceremony and in front of the rest of the participants, and yet it is still an intimate and sacred moment.
August 1, 2007 at 9:07 am
Lara, that is an excellent option to consider. Thank you for sharing it.
Susan