As a San Francisco wedding officiant, it’s not uncommon for couples to ask me near the end of an initial meeting whether I stay after the ceremony. I’ve learned that this is their way of opening the dialog to determine whether they should invite me to the reception. While certainly not all officiants feel the same way, here are my thoughts on the subject.

Do not feel obligated to invite me to your reception or your rehearsal dinner. I understand that every single plate adds up to the incredible cost of your wedding. For me, the most fulfilling part is the honor of standing up with you as you exchange your vows.

If it is important to you that I participate in the party celebration, consider thinking of my invitation like you would your other guests. Consider offering me the opportunity to bring a guest, too, so that I can share your event with someone I love.

If you want to get your head count from your family and friends first before determining whether you can invite me, I totally understand. Please don’t feel like you need to apologize if you extend an invitation two weeks before the wedding. I’ll be honored that you value my presence enough to try to squeeze me in. But again, don’t feel obligated.

Please let me know if I can answer any questions. Enjoy your planning!