A Ceremony Everyone Will Remember: Engage Your Guests Friday, Mar 7 2008

Imagine this scene. It is your wedding day and you have just walked up the aisle, where you now stand in front of your closest family and friends. You recognize that this is one of the most significant moments of your life that you are sharing with everyone present. How would you like to embrace them?

What message do you wish to communicate to those present?

Are there individuals that you would like to acknowledge in a personal way?

A San Francisco wedding officiant, I recently experienced a very intimate gathering where the couple chose to personally acknowledge each of the dozen guests that surrounded them. As I delivered the personal message to each guest, I could see how touched they were. Afterwards the bride told me that the talk over dinner was about how meaningful the ceremony was for everyone there.

Here are some examples of the kind of sentiments that can touch the hearts of your guests:

• To your parents, acknowledge their love, support and contributions to your life
• To your close friends, the role they’ve played in your growth
• To other family members, their influence and guidance
• To children from a previous marriage, their acceptance and understanding
• To loved ones who have passed, for their ideals that you bring to your relationship

Weddings provide a unique time in our busy lives where we come together in the spirit of love and heart. Recognize your opportunity to make your ceremony one that everyone will remember.

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Do You Invite the Officiant? Thursday, Jan 31 2008

As a San Francisco wedding officiant, it’s not uncommon for couples to ask me near the end of an initial meeting whether I stay after the ceremony. I’ve learned that this is their way of opening the dialog to determine whether they should invite me to the reception. While certainly not all officiants feel the same way, here are my thoughts on the subject.

Do not feel obligated to invite me to your reception or your rehearsal dinner. I understand that every single plate adds up to the incredible cost of your wedding. For me, the most fulfilling part is the honor of standing up with you as you exchange your vows.

If it is important to you that I participate in the party celebration, consider thinking of my invitation like you would your other guests. Consider offering me the opportunity to bring a guest, too, so that I can share your event with someone I love.

If you want to get your head count from your family and friends first before determining whether you can invite me, I totally understand. Please don’t feel like you need to apologize if you extend an invitation two weeks before the wedding. I’ll be honored that you value my presence enough to try to squeeze me in. But again, don’t feel obligated.

Please let me know if I can answer any questions. Enjoy your planning!

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Has Tradition Fell by the Wayside? Thursday, Aug 30 2007

by Susan Hanshaw, OMC

As a San Francisco wedding officiant, I have the honor to work in one of the most progressive areas of the United States. So when couples ask me how a certain aspect of a wedding ceremony is traditionally handled, my answers are two-fold. First I explain the tradition and then I tell them about many of the unique ways that couples now do things to more meaningfully express their story and what feels right for them. Here are some non-traditional elements that have enabled an authentic touch to a wedding ceremony that you might not have seen even a handful of years ago:

1. Fido as ring bearer. For many couples, their dog is a cherished family member. So what can’t their canine child participate in one of the most important days of their life?
2. Best Woman or Man of Honor. See our article, Man of Honor, for a deeper look at this modern-day practice which honors the significant role that can be played by a friend of the opposite sex.
3. Groomswomen and Bridesmen, following on the dynamic described above.
4. The bride getting escorted by both her parents or both her paternal father and step-father.
5. The groom escorting his mother up the aisle before taking his place up front.
6. Instead of asking, “Who gives this woman to this man?”, the officiant asks “Who supports this woman in her commitment to this man?” So that both families can have the opportunity to publicly express their support, the officiant can also pose this question to the groom’s family.
7. Decreased popularity of the veil.
8. Combining rituals from different heritages.

And here’s one final sway from tradition that falls into the category that I vote to turn back the clock—the groom and bride seeing each other before the ceremony. Sure, I know that many couples now choose to get as much of the photographs taken before the ceremony so they can move more quickly on to the reception. But from my officiant’s eye, I can tell you that one of the most magical moments I witness is when the groom takes his first glimpse at his bride as all the guests rise to welcome her. Why spoil that once-in-a-lifetime moment of heartfelt anticipation for the sake of efficiency or convenience?

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